Tuesday 19 November 2019

Self Labelling.. 
How it impacts our Mental Health & how we see & feel about ourselves





Throughout my life, not only have I spoke many words to myself that I now realise I attached to.  I also have allowed people to attach labels on me too.

These labels have not only reflected and affected how I see & feel about myself but also how others identify and think about me too.

Very recently, Sunday in fact.  My 16 year old asked me "Mum, why are you not confident" as many of you know,  I am a deep thinker.  I wasn't able to fully answer him but I did say "Life, myself and people have had an impact on my confidence, as I have allowed that" He replied "You used to be though and still should be Mum".

These words too have stayed with me.

He definitely touched something within me & after thinking about this a lot recently, searching for ways to being a more self confident me (I have recently been studying Psychology & CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) which is kind of what sparked me, I'd like to share with you my thoughts & findings.


So have you ever heard another person say " If you tell someone something enough times they'll believe it"?

Well, i never really understood the true meaning or just how powerful that one sentence would be for me, until recently.  You see, whether words/labels are spoken positively or negatively we actually do adopt these into our own self and being.  Which is often beyond our own control.
After-all, we are what we think we are.

I am very much coming to the understanding that we all interpret, perceive, judge even, based on filtered words of others & the person themselves.  I personally, do try to have an open mind when faced with new people, environment etc but sometimes an image is already building up on what I may have been told by someone (even someone we have known for a long time).

With each person in my life, I try to stay connected with the whole of that person, see all of who they are, their beauties, their kindness, their shortcomings, their loving and playful gestures, their mistakes as well as their suffering.  Their caring and funny side etc as I guess that is how I, myself would like others to see me.  Try this,its actually way more difficult than it sounds or that I had anticipated. (still working on this.  If I'm honest, I still have teeth marks inside my tongue (if I am struggling with how they are speaking to or about me) as that is when I find the above difficult.

I came across something called the "illusory truth effect" on my recent study & I found it very interesting but also relatable as I have felt this behaviour towards myself in my past ( you should take a look yourself, see if you to have had experience with this).  Recently, it has caused me heartache and pain.  However, I am actually thankful as that pain has fuelled me in such a positive way!

I know I am still going to be labelled & evaluated by others in the future, However its on me how I let it effect me.

I'd like to break free from the this cultural habit that we have all formed.

If we were to be honest with ourselves, willing to accept responsibility for creating our own stories on each other.  Acting unkind or unloving to someone, especially when there is never a good reason for it then i personally think it would bring about change, positive change.

I am told, Natt you are "overly sensitive" "think too deeply" "let things bother you" and I felt like that too needed to change for me.  However, I am who I am. So  for me, anything less than love,hurts.
Why should i change those parts of me to take others feel more comfortable?
I don't feel there are excuses for talking unkindly, even in jest.  I mean, isn't that just the excuse we tell ourselves, to validate our words?.

We all have our differences and our flaws but do we really need them all pointed out, in order to make our self feel superior or better?  It is still lost on me what the gain is there?.

I originally started this blog with no intentions of publishing to the public. More like therapy for me, to let go of these thoughts and not have them swirling around in my head.  I just knew that I felt lost,broken and damaged (labels I have been given by others and myself) and needed to let it out somehow.  However, if I didn't publish, I feel that goes against my mission in the first place.
To share it all.  My highs, lows, the good, the bad and even the ugly.  I have let others opinions stop me from following my dreams, when actually I'm really passionate about inspiring others and I know my journey (warts and all) is relateble and inspires. I have actually had more positive comments than the negative, yet the negative stuck with me.

So below are my personal choices for going forward, on my steps to stripping it all back and re-connecting and techniques in re-training my brain, I have already started these steps, the last few days I am already feeling lighter, I have not let fear or negativity get in my way and already have exciting opportunities coming my way.  I stepped way out of my comfort zone recently ( which is mainly down to my Mr for encouraging me & supporting me) which they do say brings growth.
I am confident that these changes will help me and others going forward.


  1. Write 5 things that I am grateful for every evening.
  2. Write down the goals I want to achieve this month
  3. Be kind to myself & mindful of my words 
  4. Find some quiet time to read again, first self help book on my list (which has a little dust) is The Secret by Rhonda Bryne.       Have any of you read or action-ed this book before?
  5. Mindfulness Activity Book (present a while back from my lovely friends)
  6. Study time - Psychology & Cognitive Behavioural Therapy Course
  7. Daily Teachings (app on my iPhone) 
  8. Share kindness & Positive quotes on my social media as i enjoy doing this

I know for me, the biggest way to fill my cup, is to spend quality time with my children & my Mr.
Although I would love to say this has happened daily, unfortunately its not been as much as we'd all like recently (which also impacts me negatively).
I have been so far up in my head and felt so much pressure and stress, that when I have been with all of family daily, am I present?  Sadly I'd say no.  We are a work in progress and together as a family, each one of us will get where it is we'd love to be.  For now, at least we are open and honest and know we are all working towards feeling happier with ourselves and each other.

Oh, also a recommendation from my Facebook friend, Cath Lewis.  Shine On with Reese (watch the episode with Pink) on Netflix,  it was another moment for me, which will impact me positively.  Watch it!



    This post may touch someone else.. in a positive way..prompt them to takeaway their own feelings & experiences throughout their life too.. put into action what I am sharing with you today.  That could have a great effect and you all know if by my sharing myself with you helps, even just one person, then I can smile in knowing that this post played a part in their making changes and happiness too.

Thank you to everyone of you that has took the time to read this & don't be shy, leave me some feedback.