We Are All A Little Broken

Whats broken CAN be healed.. 

Its been a very long & painful journey at times but I think I,m now finally learning a few lessons & recognises all the hurt &  I,m now taking steps to heal & have realised that no matter how dark life can be at times, its temporary..by taking that time to heal, it doesn't mean that the cause of the pain, the damage never existed it just means that you are no longer going to let it control your life.

Patience will be needed & give yourself all the time you need..so many different aspects to healing yourself, one of them being forgiveness.. its a gradual process.. The actual "comeback" is actually an ongoing trip.

I feel so grateful that I have been lucky to have supportive people around me who understand myself & try also to understand my struggles.. sometimes daily.  I,ve not always been "fine" or "okay" but more so I like to think of myself now as BRAVE.. I used to think that actually it was more strength & that I had somehow found extra strength to get me through some of the hardest times of my life. 

Sometimes its as though there is more than one person in my head & the weaker one is the part of me that struggles from time to time.. then another part of me is the stronger one that makes me get out of bed in the morning, face my day & pull on my positive pants knowing theres way more out there for me & plenty for me to be smiling about to help me through, my children being 5 of those reasons.

There is no special "light switch" flick that when turned on will make you better.. also I cant go right back to my childhood & escape or erase all of those moments that caused me so much pain & grief or re-write those times in my life..They happened.

Im not going to lie, there have been so many times when to me I felt I have been trying to hold on to fine rice & its just falling through my fingers, those are the times where my inner self has eventually took the control & attempt to pull my life back together.  

So many times myself, my behavior has been perceived negatively & by people I thought were my "close friends" those times were actually what broke my heart rather than any of the actual incidences themself..  felt like they would rather I had suffered in silence & dealt with all my struggles how they saw fit, like my life inconvenienced theres.. so many different reactions I guess & with this a terrible anxiety just kicks in.. so now those people are either no longer in my circle or I,m very distanced from them..Protecting myself & my spirit as i know amazing things are coming.

Lots of times I have screamed from the inside too, let far too much negativity enter my head & thoughts & cause myself to feel frustrated as had that feeling of being misunderstood.

My heart has raced far faster than it should & I had that feeling you get when you trip up a step, shortness of breath & feeling a little dizzy (I,m naturally dizzy or ditsy as many would say but this was in a light-headed kind of way)

I guess we never know what people are truly facing on a day to day basis especially when some hide it so well.. however, there is light..there are ways that will get you past these broken times & you will shine again, if you want too & have that support.. DO NOT suffer in silence because you are scared of being judged.

I,m now accepting of the things that I cannot change..learning to love myself after years of trying to fit up to other peoples standards & learning new techniques to get me through those anxious times.. self love is so important & learning to deal with my fears & block out any negative self talk too.

I choose LOVE over HATE..ACTION over ANXIETY..VULNERABILITY over SHAME..CALM over CHAOS ( this one will take a while) .. INTUITION over EXPECTATIONS..AWARENESS over FEAR & i hope in time also i RESPOND instead of REACT.

Time to focus on how I CAN & just remember, I,m healing.